Making friends as an adult
A lot of things are made easier now that you are an adult. You are finally financially in a place to be able to afford whatever you want (almost) , you’ve built a responsible life routine that enables you to carry on with life with confidence (sort of) and you are equipped with enough life experiences to better prepare yourself for the next time you commit another big life mistake (you poor thing). But now that you pretty much have everything then why is there still a void in your heart?
You go home after a mundane day of adulting only to find that you are completely alone. No one’s there to greet you , there’s no messages in your phone (except for work related emails) . You go to social media only to be further confirmed that you are indeed friend-less and lonely. Oh how much you crave human interaction.
You would argue that you do have online friends but seriously speaking, who are these online friends of yours?? Let’s test this theory. Go to your facebook page and scroll down through your friend list. Rest assured, half of the people in there are just long lost relatives you probably feel obliged to have in your facebook for fear of judgment and awkward conversations during reunions.
The other half on that list are probably old friends that you keep for your annual casual stalking because you obviously want to know what happens to that cool girl you had that one class with when you were in college 3 years ago. Is she married? Does she have kids? Is she still cool? All very important questions that you think you need answers for. And for the rest of the of the people in your friendlist? Well, they are just mutual friends of some friends whose friends with your friends. GREAT. Now that we got that covered, how many really of these people are even your friends?
You look through the profile of one of them and you go through the recent posts there only to realize that you have no idea who this person is. You’ve been so busy with work or some other adult thing you needed to do that you’ve neglected this friend of yours. And unlike that dying plant in your living room, people actually have willpower and a LIFE to live. So your friend moved on with other friends. He/She is just a stranger to you now. So what does that left you with? No one. You have no one. Let that sink in for a while. Take a deep breath. Now where were we? Oh yes!! So you’re alone. You have no friends. No one to hangout with on Friday night or every other weekend for that matters. YOU HAVE NO ONE AND YOU ARE ALONE.
But honestly, is that really so bad though? Is being in total solitary truly a depressing thought? Yes, every negative emotion feels terrible when it first hit you. But give it some time and once you’re completely numb by the idea, lonliness isn’t entirely a devastating thing. It is surely not paralyzing enough. Think about it. What is so bad with being alone? Why do we hate being alone anyway? What if the only issue here isn’t not having anyone in your life but figuring how to be alone and be okay with it?
The term “You do you” might be thrown around ever so often these days. But it truly does hold a significant philosophy. You truly need to figure out who you are and then learn how to live with yourself for the rest of your life before you can even think about letting anyone in your life. And this route to self discovery does not take one day, it literally takes a lifetime. Your lifetime. So take your time, sip that tea and dig deep into YOU and make friends with that marvelous person. You are a complicated psychologically evolving creature. You are truly magnificent. Because people come and go, but you have yourself for the rest of your life. You truly need to learn to love yourself. Because unfortunately, no one will. (well, never say never though)
What’s that? You think you’ve searched for yourself enough to know what you want in another human being? You think you’re ready for some human interaction? You want to know how to make friends as an adult like the title promised? Why making a friend is as easy as saying “Hello” to a stranger, asking them about their day and crossing your fingers that’s there’s chemistry between the two of you that your able to carry on the budding of this new found friendship. The hard part is the actual keeping the friendship alive part (more on that on another time) .The thing is, people, like you, are unpredictable. So YOU GO DO YOU, you complicated psychologically evolving creature. Take care.
Written by Eff Hakim
When she is not doing audio work or fronting her band Pastel Lite, Eff Hakim likes to write as a means to fully express herself in whatever medium she can use. She is a big fan of Chuck Palahniuk, kewpie dolls, warm tones, meta animes and retro synthesizers. Her life philosophy that she swears by is
LIFE IS SHORT, YOLO.